


some kind of shitty-ass inevitable time loop fate thing

by Elendraug



Series: bullet time text-fuck-athon [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Pesterlog
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-29
Updated: 2016-03-29
Packaged: 2018-05-28 19:28:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,555
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6342097
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elendraug/pseuds/Elendraug
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>TG: god fuck christopher nolan<br/>TG: i saw that shit so young<br/>TG: i cant unthink that either<br/>TG: are you watching closely<br/>TG: yes mr nolan yes i am<br/>TG: i cant stop now and its compulsive</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. some kind of shitty-ass inevitable time loop fate thing

turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering  undyingUmbrage [uu]

TG: yo  
uu: HI DAVE.  
TG: can we talk  
TG: i know thats like  
TG: kind of a fucking intimidating thing to lead off with again  
TG: im not exactly great at that shit  
TG: oh hey whats up dave  
TG: nothin just dropping bombshells  
TG: not even the rap lyric kind  
TG: not the inspired creative songwriting shit yknow  
TG: just  
TG: drop a bomb that makes the pit of your stomach drop out  
TG: like a bad milkshake  
TG: my milkshake brings all the dread to the yard  
TG: maybe the dead too  
TG: zombies  
TG: ghosts  
TG: double dead ghosts  
TG: idk  
TG: maybe its like  
TG: you havent seen many movies have you  
TG: have you seen shaun of the dead  
TG: itd be like that scene with the slide  
TG: where they do this like  
uu: DAVE. WE CAN TALK.  
uu: IT’S OK.  
TG: no its not  
TG: its really not  
uu: THEN TELL ME WHAT’S WRONG. INSTEAD OF DOING THE WORDVOMIT THING.  
uu: YOU’RE JUST GETTING YOURSELF FUCKING WORKED UP.  
TG: its about us  
uu: OH.  
TG: i know thats like  
TG: THE most stereotypical thing to say in any given situation  
TG: “we need to talk its about us”  
TG: fuckin  
TG: cliche shit  
uu: SERIOUSLY, DAVE.  
uu: JUST SPIT IT THE FUCK OUT.  
uu: I CAN HANDLE WHATEVER.  
uu: I’VE BEEN THROUGH SOME FUCKED UP SHIT.  
uu: IT’S FINE. PROBABLY.  
TG: its not  
uu: OK. THEN IT’S NOT FINE. AND WE’LL DEAL WITH IT.  
uu: BUT YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME HANGING.  
TG: ugh i really dont want to  
TG: thats a visual i didnt need  
uu: WHAT???  
TG: bluhhhh  
TG: i dont even know how to approach this  
TG: its not the sort of thing you can just  
TG: blurt out to somebody  
uu: THE SUSPENSE MAY ACTUALLY KILL ME.  
TG: dont say that  
uu: AND I’VE DEALT WITH A LOT OF WAITING.  
TG: dont say things are killing you  
uu: UH?  
uu: IT’S A FIGURE OF SPEECH.  
uu: OR DID I FUCK THAT UP SOMEHOW.  
TG: can we just talk about something else  
TG: sbahj seems like a safe topic  
uu: UH. SURE.  
TG: ill recite a verse  
TG: this little green toilet elf thinks he is the fucking prince of the lilypod  
TG: hes actually the prince of my stupid dick  
TG: i am not even going to ~~cap~~ ensnare him  
TG: i am ashamed of him and this entire pond  
uu: THAT’S THE LATEST ONE. ISN’T IT?  
TG: almost  
TG: last ones just one big image  
uu: WHILE I’M ALWAYS UP FOR HILARIOUS AND/OR BIZARRELY PROPHETIC QUOTES FROM YOUR COMIC. I’M NOT GETTING THE RELEVANCE IN THIS INSTANCE.  
TG: ok look  
TG: i  
TG: am  
TG: gonna try not to do any melodramatic shit here  
TG: like that honestly  
TG: breaking up my lines like that was prob melodramatic  
TG: im not theatrical  
TG: thats your bag  
uu: YEAH PRETTY MUCH.  
uu: ALL THE WORLD’S A STAGE.  
TG: right  
TG: then heres me mewling and puking all this text  
TG: as you like it  
uu: ARE YOU OK?  
TG: no  
TG: im not  
uu: WHATEVER YOU’RE TRYING TO SAY. CAN’T POSSIBLY BE AS BAD AS YOU THINK.  
uu: AND KEEP IN MIND. THIS IS COMING FROM A GUY WHO’S SHIT AT THIS SHIT.  
uu: I DON’T CONSOLE ANYBODY. OR CODDLE THEM.  
uu: LIKE. DEAL WITH YOUR BULLSHIT GARBAGE. AM I RIGHT???  
uu: BUT IN THIS CASE. YOU’RE WORTHY OF MY TIME.  
uu: AND THIS IS DISTRESSING YOU. SO.  
uu: WHAT’S UP?  
TG: whatever way i say this its not gonna come out right  
TG: so ill just kinda sack up and go for it i guess  
TG: i like you a lot ok  
uu: OK.  
TG: more than i thought i would  
TG: especially since ive never talked to you except two times but i feel like weve hit it off pretty good  
uu: I AGREE.  
TG: so its kind of put me in a weird position  
TG: and throws a wrench into all my gears  
TG: and ive got so many gears  
TG: im burrowed fuck deep in gears  
TG: and also lava  
TG: i hate lohac  
uu: DUDE.  
uu: JUST TELL ME WHAT’S BOTHERING YOU.  
uu: IT’S FINE.  
TG: ok like i said i like you a lot and i wasnt expecting to  
TG: not that i specifically thought that id hate you  
TG: i was ambivalent if anything  
TG: but yknow i didnt have anything against you personally  
TG: nothing like that  
TG: i dont want bad shit to happen to you i guess is what im trying to say  
TG: clunkily  
uu: OK. GOOD.  
uu: AND?  
TG: the problem is like  
TG: ive got certain obligations and shit  
TG: expectations people have put upon me  
TG: things im supposed to do or ways im supposed to behave  
TG: particularly the roles im supposed to take  
TG: what i mean to certain people  
TG: as a symbol or whatever  
uu: UH HUH.  
TG: and ive been struggling with that shit for a long time  
TG: for real since i was a kid  
TG: but its really center stage now  
TG: center world  
TG: world-stage 1  
TG: and im freaking my own shit out like you said  
TG: but this is really  
TG: difficult  
TG: to just come out and say  
TG: and im sorry i just fuckin feel like ive gotta apologize preemptively for this whole conversation  
TG: i shouldnt be dumping this on you  
TG: not the third time we talked  
TG: but god i just  
TG: shit went really far really fast  
TG: and im fucking  
TG: infatuated with you  
TG: at least  
TG: and i just cant keep doing this unless im telling you everything  
TG: i dont think its right  
uu: DAVE.  
TG: caliborn  
uu: ON THAT NOTE. DO YOU REALIZE YOU’RE THE ONLY PERSON. I’VE *EVER* TOLD MY NAME?  
TG: i did not know that  
TG: and that makes me feel shittier for what im about to say  
uu: JUST DO IT.  
TG: id prefer if my dreams stayed dreams thanks  
uu: *DAVE*.  
TG: caliborn  
TG: you deserve to know  
TG: that everybody wants me to kill you  
TG: everybodys fucking convinced it has to be me  
TG: that youve gotta die by my hand  
TG: with a sword  
TG: i dont even know what that implies  
TG: like im supposed to stab you  
TG: or behead you  
TG: fuck knows what  
TG: but everybodys up my ass about how im supposed to be the hero and take you out  
TG: not on a date as we have been doing  
TG: el oh el  
TG: but to fucking just  
TG: cut you down  
TG: and im like  
TG: this dude aint done shit to me  
TG: why should i  
TG: and i fucking refuse  
TG: but im fucking terrified that this is gonna be some kind of shitty-ass inevitable time loop fate thing  
TG: and i fucking hate that  
TG: youd think as a time player id have it figured out by now  
TG: but none of this shit came with a manual  
TG: rose stopped updating that gamefaqs guide forever ago  
TG: i dont know what to do  
TG: i just  
TG: i dont know  
uu: OK.  
TG: ok  
TG: is that all  
uu: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO IT. ARE YOU?  
TG: fuck no  
uu: SO YOU HAVE NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.  
uu: YOU MADE A DECISION. LIKE A GROWN MAN. WHO HAS REACHED IMPORTANT ADULTHOOD.  
uu: JUST STICK BY THAT. AND FUCK THE HATERS.  
uu: THEY CAN’T BOSS YOU AROUND.  
TG: dude but  
TG: ive watched myself die so many times  
TG: ive fucking lost count  
TG: i promised myself the first time it happened that id keep track  
TG: but i cant remember  
TG: i keep swearing that i know how many times ive seen dead daves but i dont  
TG: not anymore  
TG: its too many and i lost count  
TG: ive never killed anyone but myself  
TG: i cant do it  
TG: theres ogres and shit yknow  
TG: imps  
TG: i guess i feel bad about that but its so abstract  
TG: but ive never like  
TG: done  
TG: it  
TG: and with the way i was raised its like i was destined to or some shit  
TG: but i fucking refuse to sir  
TG: i wont kill any more daves  
TG: i wont kill you  
TG: and thats final  
uu: I AM EMBARRASSED TO ADMIT THIS. ON SOME LEVEL.  
uu: BECAUSE I MAKE A BIG SHOW OF IT.  
TG: as one does  
uu: MY “DIRTY WORK” HAS ALWAYS BEEN DONE ON MY BEHALF. BY SOMEONE ELSE.  
uu: EXCEPT THE CLOWN.  
uu: BUT WE’VE RESOLVED OUR SHIT SINCE.  
uu: AND HE DIDN’T DIE, ANYWAY.  
uu: BESIDES. ANYONE APPROACHED OUT OF NOWHERE. BY A CLOWN WITH A GIANT PURPLE *CODPIECE*. WOULD'VE OPENED FIRE TOO.  
TG: yeah thats pretty weird  
uu: YEAH.  
TG: i worry about that guy  
TG: but  
TG: so then  
TG: like  
TG: who have you killed  
uu: A TURTLE.  
TG: whoa  
TG: is that it  
uu: YEAH.  
TG: rose killed like  
TG: a lot of those  
TG: blew up their pepto bismol pink turtle cities  
uu: SHE DID?  
TG: yeah  
TG: i think her consorts were scared shitless of her after a while  
TG: but i thought like  
TG: i mean not to be rude or intrusive or fuckin whatever but  
TG: didnt you kill your sister  
uu: SORT OF.  
uu: I TAKE CREDIT FOR IT. AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.  
uu: SHE WOULD HAVE DONE THE SAME TO ME. GIVEN THE CHANCE.  
TG: hm  
uu: BELIEVE ME.  
uu: SHE WOULD.  
TG: ok  
uu: BUT WHEN PUSH CAME TO PROVERBIAL SHOVE.  
uu: IT WAS UP TO JACK TO DO THE DEED. AND FINISH HER OFF.  
uu: VERY USEFUL, VERY STABBY, ETC.  
uu: IF I AM BEING HONEST. (WHICH I AM. ONLY TO YOU! SO DON’T SPREAD THIS AROUND.)  
uu: AS FAR AS PUZZLEMURDER GOES.  
uu: I HAVE DONE MORE PUZZLES. THAN I HAVE DONE MURDER.  
TG: whats puzzlemurder  
uu: I DON’T KNOW.  
uu: IT SOUNDED COOL AT THE TIME. “BAD ASS” IN SOME WAY.  
uu: I WAS YOUNGER. AND MORE FOOLISH.  
TG: how long ago did you coin the phrase  
uu: I THINK A FEW WEEKS.  
TG: thats not much younger  
uu: I DON’T REGRET THE AWESOME AND GREAT THINGS I’VE DONE BADASSFULLY.  
uu: I CAN’T AFFORD TO.  
uu: BUT I DO WISH I COULD RETROACTIVELY APPLY. THE INCREDIBLE WISDOM I NOW POSSESS. TO WHAT ACTIONS I TOOK PREVIOUSLY.  
TG: god  
TG: goddamn i feel that  
TG: so hard  
uu: DO YOU?  
TG: yeah  
TG: and i think you should talk to karkat sometime  
TG: he does in fact bellow himself hoarse daily and usually its because of somebody doing something stupid  
TG: not infrequently his past self  
TG: sometimes from like two minutes in the past  
uu: IT’S GOOD TO KNOW. THAT MY ORIGINAL CHARACTER KRABKRAB. WAS IN-CHARACTER.  
TG: sure  
TG: you claim that copyright bro  
TG: do it  
uu: DO NOT STEAL.  
TG: i wouldnt dream of it  
TG: im letting those dreams be dreams that im not even dreaming  
TG: i dunno just  
TG: its like  
TG: my whole life ive been taught to inflict violence  
TG: right  
TG: and i just cant bear to do it anymore  
TG: i wont  
TG: not through time travel  
TG: not with swords  
TG: maybe not even with words  
TG: the older i get the more i just dont want to hurt people  
TG: like why should i  
TG: whats the benefit  
uu: I COULDN’T REACH THE PERSON WHO WAS HURTING ME.  
TG: why not  
uu: OH YEAH. I GUESS YOU WOULDN’T HAVE A WAY TO KNOW THIS.  
uu: MY SHIT WAS FUCKED UP.  
uu: FYI.  
TG: oh  
uu: BY WHICH I MEAN. I COULDN’T REACH MY “SISTER” IN ANY CONVENTIONAL SENSE.  
uu: STICKS AND STONES WERE USELESS.  
uu: WORDS WERE MY ONLY OPTION. BUT THEY ONLY GO SO FAR.  
uu: AND I NEEDED HELP TO GET RID OF HER.  
TG: hm  
uu: YOU ARE ONE OF THE ONLY PEOPLE TO TALK TO ME. WHO DIDN’T SHUT ME DOWN.  
TG: really  
uu: YEAH.  
TG: dude that sucks  
TG: im sorry  
uu: YOU DON’T NEED TO BE.  
uu: YOU DIDN’T PERPETUATE IT.  
TG: thats something at least  
TG: i still feel like shit  
TG: i feel shitty that somethings gonna happen that forces my hand  
TG: like the monkeys paw that deliberately misinterprets your wishes  
TG: because its jacking off its severed monkey dick and getting off by trolling you  
TG: boy thats a weird phrase to use now that im friends with a bunch of trolls  
uu: APROPOS.  
TG: i guess  
TG: i dunno  
TG: im worried  
TG: its like fuckin uh  
TG: 12 monkeys  
TG: speaking of monkeys  
TG: or like oedipus  
TG: the harder you try to not fulfill a prophecy the more you inevitably work towards it  
TG: right  
uu: IS THAT HOW THAT WORKS?  
TG: i mean its a trope  
TG: i guess thats how  
TG: idk  
TG: speaking of gilliam too tho  
TG: i feel like a time bandits joke might not go amiss  
uu: LOOK.  
uu: THE THINGS I’M SAYING. ARE FAILING TO PUT YOUR MIND AT EASE.  
uu: SO I’LL CALL YOUR ATTENTION TO MY KICKSTARTER PROJECT.  
uu: YOU SAW THAT, RIGHT?  
TG: yeah  
uu: DID YOU READ ALL OF IT?  
TG: yeah i did but kinda quickly  
uu: GO READ IT AGAIN.  
uu: I’LL GET IT FOR YOU.  
uu: HOLD ON.  
TG: im holding  
uu: http://www.mspaintadventures.com/ACT6ACT6.php?s=6&p=009322  
uu: THERE.  
uu: SEE?  
uu: YOU DON’T KILL ME. I DON’T GIVE YOU THE CHANCE.  
uu: YOU ARE HOUSETRAPPED.  
TG: yeah i remember this  
uu: RETROACTIVELY. I APOLOGIZE FOR USING THE JUJU ON YOU.  
uu: BUT SURELY YOU RECOGNIZE THE IMPETUS FOR THIS COURSE OF ACTION.  
uu: YOU WERE A LIABILITY.  
TG: ok but  
TG: this hasnt happened to you yet  
TG: right  
uu: NOT YET. BUT IT WILL.  
TG: are you sure  
uu: YES.  
uu: I UNLOCKED MANY SCREENS. WITH A FUCKLOAD OF KEYS.  
uu: THEY TOOK FOREVER TO AMASS AND ACCESS. BUT I’VE DONE IT.  
uu: AS SUCH I CAN NOW REAP THE REWARDS OF TEDIUM.  
TG: level grinding  
uu: BASICALLY.  
TG: see  
TG: no  
TG: have you done any time loops  
uu: NOT EVERYONE WHO IS A TIME PLAYER IS A KNIGHT.  
uu: NOR A CLEANUP SERVICE.  
TG: other mes have talked to aradia shes aight  
uu: ACCORDING TO WHAT I HAVE READ IN THIS STORY. SHE HAS PROVEN USEFUL.  
uu: BUT I DON’T HAVE ANY FURTHER COMMENT.  
TG: heres the thing  
TG: ive done a lot of this convoluted bullshit with alt timelines and junk  
TG: and this is gonna jack up your shit right here  
uu: HOW?  
TG: dude have you even like  
TG: ok  
TG: have you actually first hand experienced any doomed timelines that youre aware of  
uu: UH.  
TG: have you  
TG: have you been the dude in the box  
TG: or just the dude on stage  
TG: is what im trying to ask  
uu: IF THAT’S A REFERENCE. I DON’T GET IT.  
TG: are you taking bows under the stage or are you drowning down there  
TG: yknow what no im tired of talking about this movie  
TG: it fucks me up  
TG: its upsetting  
TG: so scratch that  
TG: no sburb joke intended  
TG: have you ever  
TG: like  
uu: I CAN’T MAKE TIME CLONES OF MYSELF. IF THAT’S WHAT YOU WANT TO KNOW.  
uu: THE MEOWCAT IS OUT OF THE SACK. AS IT WERE.  
TG: have you ever met an alt you  
TG: the doomed daves were all solid dudes  
uu: NO. I HAVEN’T.  
TG: i think most people havent  
TG: but its weird for a time player  
uu: YOU’RE APPLYING YOUR OWN EXPERIENCE AS A TIME PLAYER. TO MY EXACT SITUATION. WITHOUT ALLOWING FOR VARIATION IN POWERS.  
uu: I AM THE LORD OF TIME.  
uu: SHIT JUST WORKS OUT FOR ME.  
TG: has it  
TG: has it worked out  
uu: YES.  
TG: do you feel safe  
uu: YES.  
TG: im jealous  
TG: why do you feel safe  
uu: I’M SAFE BECAUSE I HAVE SEEN THE FUTURE. THANKS TO THE SCREENS.  
uu: I KNOW THAT DESPITE THOSE SHADES. YOU’RE NOT FUCKING BLIND. SO GO LOOK.  
TG: i looked  
TG: i came i went i saw  
uu: I CONQUERED!  
TG: did you  
uu: WHAT PART OF THIS IS SO DIFFICULT FOR YOU TO GRASP.  
TG: ok im not trying to be a dick  
TG: i know you havent fucked around with time shit like i have so its a lot of trial and error mostly  
TG: ive found this out the hard way  
uu: DAVE. I KNOW YOU’RE WORRIED. OR WHATEVER.  
uu: AND YOU FEEL BAD.  
uu: I FEEL BAD TOO. BECAUSE I SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU EARLIER. THAT I KNOW I WILL SOMEDAY CONTAIN YOU WITHIN A JUJU.  
uu: SHIT SUCKS.  
uu: I WAS JUST ENJOYING TALKING TO YOU.  
uu: AND DIDN'T WANT TO RUIN IT.  
TG: youd already showed me your claymation masterpiece man  
TG: i was aware of that going in  
uu: OH.  
uu: OH YEAH.  
TG: yeah  
TG: i knew  
TG: youre fine  
uu: OK GOOD.  
TG: like i was saying though  
TG: heres the thing  
TG: you wont do that anymore  
TG: youre not gonna put anybody in a juju house  
uu: WHY THE FUCK NOT?  
TG: first off because weve spoken now  
TG: thats already gonna alter shit  
uu: WELL. YEAH. MAYBE NOT *YOU*.  
uu: NOT ANYMORE.  
uu: I HAD TO. BECAUSE OF YOUR CUEBALL SWORD.  
TG: i mean i wouldnt use it on you  
TG: and now ive been able to tell you that  
TG: because weve spoken  
TG: but even if we hadnt youre in this situation of having borne witness to your own weird puppety demise  
TG: puppetic justice as you said  
TG: which damn it occurs to me now why you dont want to talk about the puppet or his name so  
TG: ok  
TG: just got that  
TG: sorry  
uu: YEAH.  
TG: god i cant believe how long it took me to get that one  
TG: fuck im dumb  
uu: WELL YOU DIDN’T KNOW MY NAME. SO.  
TG: true  
TG: ok anyway  
TG: point being  
TG: youve seen everybody sneak attack you  
TG: youve seen how you think youre gonna wind up  
TG: therefore it cant happen like that anymore  
uu: NORMALLY I WOULD ACCUSE YOU OF BEING PHENOMENALLY DENSE.  
TG: like a neutron star  
uu: SURE YEAH.  
uu: EXACTLY.  
uu: THE NUTRITIONAL DENSITY OF SPECIAL STARDUST. IS AN ACCURATE COMPARISON.  
TG: what  
uu: NEVERMIND.  
uu: WHAT I’M TRYING TO SAY. IS THAT IN MOST CASES I WOULD TELL YOU TO SHUT UP.  
uu: BUT YOU’RE NOT STUPID.  
uu: AND THIS IS IMPORTANT TO YOU. SO.  
uu: I’M LISTENING.  
TG: ok so follow me here  
TG: since youve seen a surprise jumpscare  
TG: youll be expecting it if we even show up  
TG: you cant be caught offguard  
TG: since youve witnessed this it cant come to pass  
TG: this isnt like  
TG: this isnt like jades dreams  
TG: this is something else  
TG: this is like the observer effect or some shit  
TG: well no thats not entirely true  
TG: but its  
TG: fucked  
uu: WELL FUCK.  
TG: yeah  
uu: FUCK.  
uu: *FUCK*!!!  
TG: i know  
TG: im sorry  
uu: GOD WHAT THE FUCK.  
uu: I WANT TO JUST FORGET.  
uu: I WANT THAT NOT TO BE A THING.  
uu: BUT I CAN’T. AND NOW I GET IT. AND NOW I CAN’T STOP THINKING ABOUT IT.  
uu: EVEN THOUGH I’M TRYING MY HARDEST TO UNLEARN IT.  
uu: WHICH IS FUCKING STUPID, ISN’T IT???  
TG: its not stupid  
TG: i want to go backwards all the time  
uu: I FUCKING HATE GOING BACKWARDS.  
uu: I HATE BACKTRACKING.  
TG: you should  
TG: it never fixes anything  
TG: people just get hurt  
TG: especially when youre trying to go back and fix stuff  
TG: which is ultra fucked because youre trying to stop people from getting hurt and it just hurts more  
uu: SO THIS AFFECTED IT TOO. LIKE YOU SAID.  
uu: BECAUSE NOW WE’VE BEEN TALKING. ABOUT THIS. AND OTHER STUFF.  
TG: the other stuff was a lot more fun  
uu: YEAH.  
uu: BUT THIS IS URGENT.  
TG: yeah thats why im here  
TG: i just couldnt  
TG: i couldnt not say anything  
TG: i already did that to jade and she shot me and i had to watch  
TG: and i couldnt warn her or it would fuck up  
TG: and i just cant live with myself if i do that again  
TG: so idk what the timelines gonna do now  
TG: but im on your side at least  
uu: I’VE ALREADY DONE THIS ONCE.  
uu: A TRIVIAL ACT OF SELF SUICIDE. TO ASCEND TO GODHOOD.  
TG: i have too  
TG: for that  
TG: with rose  
uu: I WAS ALONE.  
TG: god im sorry  
TG: god  
TG: im sorry i cant be there in person  
TG: so much  
uu: YEAH.  
uu: WELL.  
uu: I’M USED TO IT. MORE THAN YOU REALIZE.  
TG: thats not fucking fair  
uu: NOT REALLY, NO.  
TG: do you know what happened to that you  
uu: WHAT?  
TG: the you who died  
TG: what happened to him  
uu: NOTHING. I CAME BACK.  
TG: that aint nothing  
TG: hes the man in the box  
TG: out of sight out of mind and shit  
TG: the whole trick is that making something disappear isnt impressive right  
TG: bringing it back is the prestige  
TG: god fuck christopher nolan  
TG: i saw that shit so young  
TG: i cant unthink that either  
TG: are you watching closely  
TG: yes mr nolan yes i am  
TG: i cant stop now and its compulsive  
uu: OK. CLEARLY WE ARE NOT ON THE SAME PAGE. WITH REGARD TO FILM.  
TG: i guess not  
TG: lets do a movie night sometime  
TG: whatever constitutes night at this point  
TG: not like time makes a lick of fuckin sense  
uu: LICKING SENSE.  
uu: LIKE. TASTING THE AIR?  
TG: ok i wasnt going for a snake joke but you know what  
TG: yeah  
TG: there you go  
uu: HAA!  
TG: <3  
uu: <3  
TG: tysm for the less than three  
TG: it gives me dokis  
uu: MULTIPLE DOKIS. SIR DUDEBRO.  
TG: damn right  
uu: DAVE. I NEED TO CONFESS SOMETHING.  
TG: oh god  
TG: what is it  
uu: I HAVE NEVER FELT SAFE IN MY LIFE.  
uu: I LIED TO YOU.  
TG: its ok  
TG: you got a reputation to  
TG: uh  
TG: rep  
uu: YEAH WELL.  
uu: I HAVE BEEN AFRAID SINCE THE DAY I WAS HATCHED.  
uu: OR MAYBE. PROBABLY LATER? TO BE MORE ACCURATE.  
uu: ONCE I REALIZED WHAT WAS GOING ON.  
uu: MY EXISTENCE HAS BEEN DEFINED BY FEAR.  
uu: FEAR OF LOSS. FEAR OF FAILURE.  
uu: FEAR OF NONEXISTENCE.  
uu: BUT I LET THAT FEAR BECOME INSTEAD:  
uu: ANGER!  
uu: WHICH IS FAR MORE USEFUL. FOR MANY PURPOSES.  
uu: IT’S AN OUTLET AT LEAST.  
TG: yeah  
TG: i feel that  
TG: i think i bottle shit up or just like  
TG: ignore it  
TG: deflect it maybe  
TG: reroute that shit like apple and/or google maps when you miss a goddamn turn  
uu: YEAH. I GUESS?  
uu: SO.  
uu: WHAT I HAVE COME TO FIND OUT. IS THAT THE VERY UNIVERSE ITSELF IS IMPERMANENT.  
uu: LIKE A MAN DALA.  
uu: WAITING TO BE SYSTEMATICALLY DESTROYED. ONE GRAIN AT A TIME.  
uu: (THE SAND MIGHT ALSO BE FROM AN HOURGLASS. IN THIS EXAMPLE.)  
uu: SO WHAT DOES UNCONDITIONAL IMMORTALITY MEAN. IN AN IMPERMANENT UNIVERSE?  
uu: CAN I ESCAPE DEATH TWICE?  
uu: DO I ESCAPE DEATH. BY BEING SEALED INSIDE A PUPPET?  
TG: yeah thats  
TG: the part that really fucked with me  
TG: we both got trapped inside shit  
TG: me by you  
TG: you by my alt brother  
uu: WE DID.  
uu: OR WOULD HAVE. HYPOTHETICALLY. IN ANOTHER ALTERNATE FUTURE?  
uu: LIKE YOU SAID LAST TIME. VERB CONJUGATIONS ARE UH.  
uu: THEY SURE ARE A THING.  
uu: IT DOESN’T MATTER.  
TG: not really  
uu: WHAT MATTERS. IS THAT I TRY VERY HARD. NOT TO DWELL ON THOUGHTS OF WHAT ULTIMATELY BECOMES OF ME.  
uu: I WANT VERY MUCH. TO CONSIDER IT SOME KIND OF HARDCORE THING.  
uu: YES!!! KICKASS MURDER PUPPET! WHO IS FOUR DUDES! OR THREE DUDES??  
uu: BUT SINCE WE ARE BEING “REAL” WITH EACH OTHER.  
uu: IT’S FUCKING DISTURBING.  
uu: AND.  
uu: YOU SHOULD KNOW THAT I AM TERRIBLY AFRAID.  
TG: i know  
TG: its ok  
uu: AS YOU SAID. IT’S NOT OK.  
TG: yeah no not really  
uu: SO THE QUESTION NOW. IS WHAT DO WE DO ABOUT THAT?  
TG: we are grown men  
TG: who have reached important adulthood  
uu: TRUE THAT.  
TG: so what we do is we make a choice  
TG: and stand by it  
TG: shit wait  
TG: a Choice  
TG: idk if its a denizen thing yet  
uu: YEAH I DON’T EITHER.  
uu: I HAVEN’T SPOKEN WITH HIM YET.  
TG: with who  
uu: MY DENIZEN.  
TG: which one is that  
uu: YANDEREBREATH.  
TG: cool  
uu: NO. HE IS VERY HOT.  
TG: o rly  
uu: IN ADDITION TO BEING A SEXUALLY ATTRACTIVE SNAKE BOSS.  
uu: HE IS SORT OF ON FIRE.  
TG: man same  
TG: hephaestus is some fuckin  
TG: hes the shit  
TG: jesus we got a lot in common  
TG: im so glad we started talking dude  
TG: like as fucked up as this all is  
TG: im glad we met  
uu: #SAME. SO MUCH.  
TG: i mean can i just say  
TG: given the circumstances and being faced with your own death and shit  
TG: i feel like youre taking it in stride  
uu: OR IN STRIDE-R.  
TG: lmao  
TG: fuck  
TG: nice  
uu: YOU FUCK NICE.  
TG: you flatter me  
uu: YEAH. A LITTLE.  
TG: well you dont gotta stop anytime soon  
TG: im here for that shit  
TG: turn down for what  
uu: I WOULD NOT TURN DOWN ANYTHING FROM YOU.  
TG: gawrsh  
TG: im glad were back to flirting  
TG: its nice  
TG: i know thats like the lamest adjective i could possibly use  
TG: fuckin  
TG: lose lots of points on an essay for that shit but  
TG: its just nice  
TG: youre nice  
uu: I THINK MOST PEOPLE WOULD PROBABLY DISAGREE.  
uu: BUT I WON’T STOP YOU FROM SAYING SO.  
TG: cant stop wont stop  
uu: PLEASE NEVER STOP.  
TG: please yes  
uu: <3 <3  
TG: i see how it is  
TG: youre gonna escalate the heart emoticons  
TG: lets agree to not get in some kind of nuclear deterrence situation here  
TG: i less than three you as much as youre less than threeing at me  
TG: capiche  
uu: YES!  
uu: I KNOW THAT ONE.  
uu: THAT IS ABOUT EARTH ITALIANS.  
TG: yes it is indeed  
uu: THAT’S ONE OF THE EARTH THINGS I KNOW. FROM THE COMPUTER GHOST.  
uu: I AM AWARE OF ITALIANS.  
TG: well done  
TG: buon giorno princepessa  
TG: is all i got  
uu: WHAT?  
TG: nvm  
TG: wow i  
TG: really wish i was there in person goddamn  
TG: this was some emotionally taxing shit  
uu: YEAH NO JOKE.  
TG: ok um  
TG: so  
TG: bluh  
uu: HM?  
TG: i feel like this would be a great time to just  
TG: settle in and be quiet next to each other  
TG: but thats really not the same on pesterchum  
uu: I WOULDN’T KNOW.  
TG: thats just about the saddest thing i ever heard get said  
uu: I’M NOT SAD ANYMORE.  
uu: I’M STILL AFRAID. I WILL ADMIT THAT.  
uu: (BUT ONLY TO YOU.)  
uu: BUT I’M NOT SAD.  
TG: good  
TG: i dont want you to feel shitty  
TG: youre too good for that  
uu: IT’S VERY KIND OF YOU TO SAY SO.  
TG: well thats my specialty i guess  
TG: being a stand up dude  
TG: with or without regard for comedic prowess  
uu: HAA HAA.  
uu: I GUESS.  
TG: roffle  
uu: DAVE.  
TG: yeah  
uu: THANK YOU.  
TG: dude no thank you  
uu: WE CAN BOTH THANK EACH OTHER.  
uu: I’M GLAD I CAN TALK TO YOU.  
TG: same  
TG: dude i promise ok i fuckin  
TG: i swear to any and every god thats never existed  
TG: i wont hurt you  
TG: i wont  
TG: ill lay down my sord  
TG: nobody can force my hand and thats a promise  
TG: ok  
uu: YEAH.  
uu: LET’S MAKE IT OFFICIAL.  
uu: NEITHER OF US WILL INSTIGATE VIOLENCE AGAINST THE OTHER.  
uu: ESPECIALLY WHEN SHITTY TIME LOOPS ARE CONCERNED.  
TG: how are we sealing this deal  
uu: I THINK YOU KNOW.  
uu: IN YOUR HUMAN HEART.  
TG: omg fuck yeah  
TG: ok  
TG: ready  
uu: READY.  
TG: *fist bunp*  
uu: *FIST BUNP*  
TG: the contract is sealed by the bro powers vested in me  
uu: I ACKNOWLEDGE THIS LEGALLY BINDING ACTION.  
TG: sweet  
TG: so ok  
TG: just  
TG: if youre ever bored hit me up ok  
TG: im not going anywhere  
TG: probably  
uu: NO?  
TG: not for a while  
TG: things arent too eventful around here  
TG: buncha waiting  
TG: maybe w8ing  
uu: OH.  
TG: yeahhh  
uu: I WILL KEEP YOU COMPANY.  
TG: please do  
TG: its lonely as fuck  
uu: I WILL MAKE TIME. BETWEEN BOSSING MY FROG MINIONS AND RABBIT PAL AND HONK FRIEND AROUND.  
TG: good  
TG: im looking forward to it  
TG: in the meantime if and when he gets here  
TG: ill try to talk to john  
TG: but idk how much hell listen  
TG: so just  
TG: watch your back  
TG: ok  
uu: I WILL.  
uu: I PROMISE.  
TG: good  
TG: ill ttyl  
uu: <3  
TG: <3  
TG: also  
uu: YES?  
TG: shitting dick nipples  
uu: DAVE.  
TG: is that joke wearing out its welcome  
uu: YOU COULD STAND TO CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.  
TG: gimme some wipes and ill see what i can do

turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering undyingUmbrage [uu]


	2. Chapter 2

turntechGodhead [TG]  began pestering  undyingUmbrage [uu]

TG: dude  
uu: HEY DAVE.  
uu: tU///M///Ut  
TG: thats a hell of an emoticon  
uu: YEAH I GUESS IT’S KIND OF CLUNKY.  
TG: its ok  
TG: i dig it  
TG: anyway um you should know probably that uh  
TG: johns  
TG: johns about to zap us all to wherever youre at  
TG: and ive got like fuckin  
TG: a bunch of people making me carry this sword  
TG: id ont think ican  
TG: i cant stop them from doing it  
TG: not without everyone screaming at me so um  
TG: just  
TG: please  
TG: please please please be safe ok  
TG: im not going to attack you  
TG: but they might  
TG: and ill try to stop them but i dont know if i can  
TG: and im not as strong as everybody thinks so  
TG: just  
TG: dont die  
TG: ok  
TG: please  
TG: please no  
uu: THANK YOU FOR TELLING ME.  
uu: I’LL BE WAITING.  
TG: ok  
TG: i wont let them hurt you  
TG: or ill die trying  
TG: i fucking swear it ok  
uu: THINK OF IT THIS WAY.  
TG: yeah  
uu: NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS NEXT.  
uu: WE’LL SEE EACH OTHER IN PERSON.  
TG: yeah  
TG: it all comes full fakey fake circle  
TG: theres a silver lining  
TG: to this dark-ass dank-ass cloud  
TG: dank memes  
uu: DAVE.  
TG: caliborn  
uu: I’LL SEE YOU SOON.  
TG: be careful  
uu: YOU TOO.  
TG: oh and dude  
TG: before you go  
TG: or before i go i guess because hes about to do the windy thing  
uu: YES?  
TG: were still gonna do a homosucky sbahj thing right  
TG: at some point  
uu: ABSOLUTELY.  
uu: YOU CAN COUNT ON IT.  
TG: ill hold you to that  
TG: we have to survive for that reason alone  
uu: THE WORLD NEEDS US.  
uu: THE UNIVERSE, EVEN.  
TG: damn right sir  
TG: damn right  
TG: ok  
TG: uh  
TG: i gotta go  
TG: see ya  
TG: like immediately  
uu: OK.

turntechGodhead [TG] is now an idle chum!

uu: SEE YOU.

undyingUmbrage [uu] ceased jeering  turntechGodhead [TG]

* * *

* * *

_[When a man commits himself to anything](http://philosophy.lander.edu/intro/articles/sartre-a.pdf), fully realizing that he is not only choosing what he will be, but is thereby at the same time a legislator deciding for the whole of mankind—in such a moment a man cannot escape from the sense of complete and profound responsibility. There are many, indeed, who show no such anxiety. But we affirm that they are merely disguising their anguish or are in flight from it. Certainly, many people think that in what they are doing they commit no one but themselves to anything: and if you ask them, “What would happen if everyone did so?” they shrug their shoulders and reply, “Everyone does not do so.” But in truth, one ought always to ask oneself what would happen if everyone did as one is doing; nor can one escape from that disturbing thought except by a kind of self-deception._

* * *

_"So you think that people who suffer together would be more connected than people who were content?"  
["Yeah. Yeah, I do."](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XgeKHTcufLY)_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this moved you emotionally


End file.
